Blog – Making Friends When You’re the Newcomer

Last week, I had three separate conversations with people who find themselves in a situation where they need to make new friends. One was a teenager starting a new school, another is a senior researcher in a new country, starting a new fellowship and another was a PhD student who will be spending their first day in the lab this week.

This got me to thinking… starting fresh in a new workplace, lab, research group, or even a new country can be exciting yet daunting. For many of us in academia or research, moving to a new environment is a frequent part of the job. Whether it’s a postdoc in a new country or a project in a different lab, the need to build a new social network arises regularly. But making new friends as an adult can be tricky—how do you find common ground, break the ice, and form genuine connections when everyone seems busy with their own lives?

Drawing inspiration from strategies that work, let’s explore some effective ways to foster friendships in your new environment.

Some of this will seem obvious, but hopefully it’s a good reminder.

Start Small: Smile and Say Hello

It might sound simple, but a smile and a friendly greeting go a long way. When you’re new to a place, people notice. A warm smile or a simple “hello” can open the door to further conversation. Don’t underestimate the power of small gestures—they often lead to more significant interactions.

In a new lab or group, start by introducing yourself to those you encounter daily. Ask about their work, share a bit about your background, and show genuine interest in what they have to say. These small conversations can gradually build familiarity and comfort, laying the groundwork for deeper connections.

Show Up and Participate

One of the best ways to make new friends is by showing up. Attend team meetings, social events, and informal gatherings, even if you feel a bit out of place initially. These are prime opportunities to meet people and learn more about the group dynamics.

If you’re working in a research lab or joining a new workplace, participate in any after-hours activities or group outings. It’s often in these relaxed settings that you get to know your colleagues beyond their professional roles. Don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone—sometimes, showing up is half the battle.

Be Curious and Ask Questions

Curiosity is a fantastic tool for making friends. Asking questions not only shows you’re interested in others but also gives them a chance to share their stories. People love talking about their experiences, and by asking thoughtful questions, you create a space for genuine dialogue.

In a research environment, you can start by discussing shared interests or asking for advice on navigating the new lab or workplace culture. Questions like, “How did you find working on this project?” or “Do you have any tips for a newcomer?” can spark meaningful conversations that go beyond small talk.

The Dementia Researcher Community is a way to make new friends and colleagues.

Leverage Common Interests

Shared interests are a natural foundation for friendship. If you learn that someone enjoys the same hobby or has a similar passion outside of work, use it as a stepping stone to build a connection. Whether it’s a love for running, a penchant for cooking, or a fascination with a particular research topic, common interests create a bond that can lead to lasting friendships.

Don’t hesitate to suggest an activity or outing related to these interests. For example, if you both enjoy hiking, propose a weekend hike – if you both love craft beer, go to the pub. If you discover a colleague shares your interest in a specific research area, suggest a coffee chat to discuss it further. These shared experiences can help deepen your connection and make you feel more at home.

Be Patient and Open-Minded

Building friendships takes time, especially as an adult in a new environment. Be patient with yourself and others. Not every interaction will lead to a lasting friendship, and that’s okay. Keep an open mind and remain open to different types of friendships. Some may be more professional, while others may become more personal over time.

In a new country, cultural differences can also play a role in how friendships form. Be respectful and open-minded about these differences, and try to learn from them. This attitude not only helps in making friends but also enriches your experience in the new environment.

Follow Up and Keep in Touch

After meeting someone new, follow up with them. It could be as simple as sending an email to continue a conversation or inviting them to lunch. Keeping in touch shows that you value the connection and are interested in building a friendship. In professional settings, these follow-ups are crucial as they demonstrate your willingness to be an active part of the community.

Remember, building a social network in a new place takes effort and time. The more you engage, the more opportunities you create to meet like-minded people and form meaningful connections.

If you’re an introvert… create One-on-One Opportunities

If you find large group settings overwhelming, focus on building connections one-on-one. Introverts often thrive in deeper, more personal interactions rather than in big social gatherings. Invite a colleague for a coffee, suggest a quiet lunch spot, or propose a casual walk around the campus or neighbourhood. These more intimate settings allow you to have meaningful conversations without the pressure of navigating a crowd.

By focusing on smaller, more manageable social interactions, you can gradually build a close circle of friends in your new environment at a pace that feels comfortable for you.

If you’re shy about making the first move, look for structured activities where interactions happen more naturally. Workshops, team-building exercises, study groups, or regular lab meetings often provide opportunities to interact with others without the pressure of initiating a conversation from scratch.

Embrace the Awkwardness

Finally, embrace the awkwardness that sometimes comes with making new friends. It’s normal to feel a bit uncomfortable or out of place at first. Remember that everyone has been the “new person” at some point. Most people are understanding and welcoming when they see someone making an effort to connect.

Being yourself, with all your quirks and uniqueness, is often the best way to find friends who appreciate you for who you are.

Moving to a new place, whether it’s a different workplace, lab, research group, or country, presents a fantastic opportunity to make new friends. By being proactive, open-minded, and patient, you can navigate these new environments with confidence and build lasting friendships along the way.

So, next time you find yourself in a new setting, remember these tips and take that first step. You never know where it might lead!

And remember… there is always one place where you will find a friend and someone to talk with… the Dementia Researcher Community.

Adam Smith

Author

Adam Smith was born in the north, a long time ago. He wanted to write books, but ended up working in the NHS, and at the Department of Health.  He is now Programme Director at University College London (which probably sounds more important than it is – his words). He has led a number of initiatives to improve dementia research (including this website, Join Dementia Research & ENRICH), as well as pursuing his own research interests. In his spare time, he grows vegetables, builds Lego, likes rockets & spends most of his time drinking too much coffee and squeezing technology into his house.

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